Sean Penn as Milk, no Sugar

Sean Penn as Milk, no Sugar

• 4.3.09

by SHELL SHERREE

I'm confused. {Just another day, you're thinking to yourself.}

Where does Harvey Milk begin and Sean Penn end?

Penn's portrayal of Milk in the biopic of the same name was so convincing that people were saying things like, "Sorry, was Sean Penn in that movie? I thought it was a documentary."

He was so Milk-like, he denied Mickey Rourke the opportunity to give the Oscars' censors RSI of the Bleep finger in Guinness World Record time. {And the soft-gel ear plugs placed on the Kodak theatre seats went completely to waste. Tsk, tsk, people, there are poor, starving lighting technicians on the sets of Christian Bale movies who could have used those ear plugs.}

He was so Milk-like that we can expect a new phrase to become commonplace in our language, replacing "Like White on Rice," with "Like Penn on Milk". {"Like White on Milk?" ... "Like Milk on Rice?" But I digress...}

Just like Harvey Milk, Sean Penn stands up for what he believes in. And he believes that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger should sign a bill recognising Milk's birthday on the 22nd May each year as a "day of significance" in California, in spite of Arnie politely declining the same opportunity last year while drinking a soothing cup of diplomacy tea and watching The View.

At a news conference on Tuesday, Penn tried the Shame-You-Into-Submission-Plus-Backhanded-Compliment approach, saying to the cameras from the top of his milk crate, "I would never assume such ignorance as for him to not have revised his (position). I have too much respect for him to be able to do that."

I find double negatives more confusing than not saying what you really don't never mean. Pardon? So I can only take a rough stab at this, but loosely translated, it might be taken as, "Now that I've poured my soul into an Oscar nominated movie about the man, will you let the damn bill go through? Oh, and I just implied that you're a dumb ass if you don't."

Well, the Penn may be mightier than Conan the Barbarian's sword, but there's a much easier way to get what he wants, if a little less lofty. It's gold, shiny and naked and is probably sitting in the door of his fridge next to the orange juice. A few weeks on loan to the Governator and I suspect Oscar could be very persuasive.