BeGuinness Luck

BeGuinness Luck

• 17.3.09

by SHELL SHERREE

At the risk of starting a debate among a bunch of drunks bearing a startling resemblance to Kermit the Frog with grass stains, "Top o' the mornin' to you!"

I can hear you asking, "Why would this friendly welcome cause Guinness fuelled fisty-cuffs?" {Yes, I can hear you. Not nearly as unsettling for you as for me...}

I'll tell you why. I've just read that "Top o' the mornin' to you" isn't an Irish expression at all, rather something contrived and propagated by some furtive bunch of misfits shamrockfully hell-bent on making the Irish appear friendly. {Either that or it came from a movie. I'm not sure which. My fact-checking's a bit loose at the moment. I ran out of milk this morning and found out on The Beguinness Guide to Ireland that milk and Bailey's Irish Cream are interchangeable; begosh, begorrah, begin the beguine.}

Out of respect for the cheerfully belligerent spirit of the nation in the thick of today's St Patrick's Day festivities, I say, "Bollocks." Or is that Scottish? British? I'm sure I've heard both Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver say it, neither of whom is Irish. But according to Wikipedia, "In 1977, Professor James Kingsley, a famous linguistics professor at Nottingham University, had accredited the word to be used in the early eighteenth century with the Roman Catholic Church priests. His studies show that the actual word "bollocks" means either a 'priest', or 'rubbish spoken by the priest'." Given that St Paddy's Day is observed by people of Irish ancestry, Anglicans, Eastern Orthodox, anyone in English speaking countries who fancies an excuse for a pint or has an unnatural fondness for the colour green, and Roman Catholics, I hereby deem the word entirely appropriate for this purpose. Bollocks!

My hubby has an Irish mate who always shouts this welcome heartily down the phone. {"Top o' the mornin' to you," that is, not, "Bollocks!"} What's more, he roundly chastised me the first time for not knowing the appropriate response should one receive such a greeting: "And the rest of the day to yourself."

Given that he is Irish, I figure he should know. Then again, he is Irish. The world isn't full of Irish jokes for nothing, unless they too have been contrived and propagated by some furtive bunch of misfits wilfully hell-bent on making the Irish appear friendly, begorrah.

True to form, he's often drifting in a cosy befuddlement of whiskey when he rings. Whiskey is widely considered to be one of Ireland's favourite drinks. Irish whiskey was first distilled by monks about a thousand years ago. It is clearly viewed as an essential for life, given that the name was derived from the Irish uisce ("water"). And perhaps it's no accident that the word 'whiskey' starts to look very strange if you stare at it long enough. My cat has curly whiskeys. I shall whiskey the eggs until they are fluffy. Driving while inebriated is whiskey. Where was I...

Oh, yes. Happy St Paddy's Day to you all. Let the festivities beguinness, begorrah.