If It Acts Like a Log ...

If It Acts Like a Log ...

• 20.1.09

by SHELL SHERREE

Tom Cruise met with reporters in South Korea on Sunday to promote his latest movie 'Valkyrie' in which he plays Claus von Stauffenberg, would-be Hitler assassin. Cruise {reportedly} told reporters "I've always wanted to kill Hitler. As a child, I used to wonder why someone didn't stand up and kill him."

Sorry, Tom. Take a number.

I wouldn't have pegged Tom Cruise as the capital punishment kind, though.

Ok, I freely admit you can put what I know about Scientology in one small time capsule, waiting for the mother ship to teleport it home. {See what I mean?}

I would have expected something different from Scientologists {'Sci' being derived from the Latin 'Scius-Fius' meaning rooted in fantasy that no-one is meant to understand without paying for}. Faith that they could have taken Hitler and really shown him what indoctrination was all about. {From here on in, I shall abbreviate to 'log' lest They use the false god Google to seek new prospects against whom to seek legal retribution. My piggy bank simply isn't that big. And the choice of 'log' is no reflection on Tom's acting, I promise.}

Knowing that Tom Cruise is a devoted log and poster boy, not just a flibbertigibbet passing through the ranks in hopes of John Travolta's autograph, I have to take it on face value that his feelings are representative of the beliefs of all logs. In a strangely comforting way, it goes to show that no matter how much earthly wealth or media coverage someone has accrued, logs do draw the saviour-line somewhere.

Don't get me wrong: I have nothing against log, in spite of the fact that I'm too scared to use its real name enough to risk optimising it for search engines. {And please, now is not the time to Digg or Stumble me.} I do admire John Travolta - he seems genuinely kind, gracious and cool. Surely anything he's hopelessly devoted to must have some goodness? {No wait - that's Olivia Newton-John. Never mind - the point still applies.}

Of course, the whole "I've always wanted to kill Hitler" thing could be nothing more than Tom Cruise showing his sense of humour. After all, let's not forget the Oprah Couch Incident or his Golden Globe nomination for Best Supporting Actor in 'Tropic Thunder'. {No wait - that's the Hollywood Foreign Press showing its sense of humour. Never mind - the point still applies.}

Or perhaps he simply forgot that 'Valkyrie' was already finished and 'in the can', and he was still stepping in Claus von Stauffenberg's highly polished boots. Does he get so involved with his characters so that he finds it hard to leave them behind? I guess we'd have to see whether he dances in his underdacks and socks in his lounge room at home to know. Anyone have Katie's phone number?